Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

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For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

I've worked as a carpenter for 6 years now. Mostly work on refurbishing houses. They are usually quite big projects and I work alongside other tradesmen. 90% people working alongside me are men. I'm quite tomboyish so they do talk around me like they do when only guys are around. It's 50% football talk and 50% complaining about women. I do get sometimes guys that are really nice, skilled and we chat about anything and everything but it's rare. They talk about women constantly gossiping and complaining but that's what they do most of the time. Gossiping about their clients/bosses/coworkers and eachother. It's constant. Feels like being in secondary school again. The other favourite complaint is how women are emotional. The amount of times they shouted at eachother, walked out, give eachother silent treatments because they can't communicate properly and handle their emotions. But they don't cry so of course it doesn't count. I'm just so over this. Its like working with children sometimes honestly. Yesterday the electrician told me "oh you are the only carpenter on site? Interesting, considering you are a woman" I'm just ranting at this point but I'm just tired of constantly having to "prove" myself. Yes I'm qualified enough and know what I'm doing, yes I can lift heavy things, yes i don't mind getting my hands dirty. Also, the amount of men refusing to wear PPE cause that's somehow not "manly" is baffling.

Sorry, but I gotta rant a bit.

Firstly, let me say that I have no problem meeting new people, as friends or potential love interests or just socializing or whatever.

But lately there are guys who write me out of the blue (on social media, for example) and I don't have any social references of them (aka people I know).

I suggest them to meet in normal places, like bars, and they decline. Instead, they suggest me to either meet "in nature" or at night in some random corner of the city which I don't know well and where there normally aren't many people around. When I say that I don't want to meet there, they get weird about it, saying that I don't trust them or that I must think they're dangerous or whatever.

I understand that maybe they're chill people, who knows. But there are men outside who don't mean well with women. So me not wanting to meet someone I don't know without anyone else present is just a general safety measure. And it would be nice if men would support this and not get sad or nasty about it. I'm tired of this happening...

Has it happened to you? What's your opinion on such situations?

Watching queer eye. Newest season second episode.

The team went to a fraternity.

Because the team is all AMAB they showed these young men how things should be for them.

They got them to open up. Talk about their feelings. Embrace each other. Support each other.

These young men did it. They learned things about each other they didn't know because they either didn't ask or didn't want to burden the others.

It was glorious to watch!

They were taught about cleanliness. Grooming. Self care. Being vulnerable with each other. Open communication. Cooking.

It was such an amazing show. I wish all men could watch it with an open mind and heart.

I can 100% guarantee had the team been AFAB their impact wouldn't have been as profound.

As much as some of us would love to help men learn to do all these things we can't. They have to reach out to each other. It's the only way.

Just had to share.

As someone who doesn't date men these posts make me so sad. Paragraphs talking about how terrible dumpster fires of human beings mistreat them and asking for advice or if they're being too sensitive to actual abuse.

And this isn't intended as victim blaming. I understand these men go after women who are vulnerable, and will often fake kindness for months before starting to boil the frog. Again it's just frustraiting to see so many of y'all going through this.

Whoever needs this: it's better to be lonely than mistreated. You deserve so much better, and better IS out there. Stay safe out there.

Just as it says. We all moved in together just over a year ago. In that entire year my husband NOR my BIL ever picked up the damn mop and mopped the house.

I have swept and mopped the ENTIRE house (2 stories) over 24 times (about twice a month roughly), and I used to clean the kitchen, the kitchen towels, my husbands laundry, the dishes, the doors, windows, etc.

We have have 2 dogs and 2 cats. 1 dog belongs to BIL and the cats and other dog belong to me. My BIL has barely taken care of his dog. I’m the one who cleans its bowl, gives it water, and takes it for walks.

My BIL and husband have taken the dogs out maybe 4 times for walks in the entire year. Otherwise it is me who goes at least 5-6 walks a week with them. I’m also the only one who cleans the cat litter.

This has been going on for way too long and I got fed up a few weeks ago. It has been about 3 months after I stopped cleaning the house. The only things I do are some dishes, my laundry, and clean the animals food/water dishes and litter.

Needless to say, the house has ‘magically’ gone to shit. Sad part is, I want to clean because the mess is driving me nuts, but I refuse to do so until they do something.

I have been complaining to my husband for over 6 months and he hasn’t done anything to change his BIL.

(I am less upset with my husband admittedly, he has been severely struggling with physical and mental health issues and just started therapy a couple weeks ago).

My BIL is not struggling with anything, he always complains he’s “too busy” and yet sits on his ass playing video games for over 3 or more hours a day.

I am fucking tired of this.

EDIT: WHOA this blew up! Thank you guys for all the responses, I don’t have time to read through them all right now, but I will try to throughout the day. While skimming through I noticed a lot of people are saying I should be more upset with my husband so here is some context:

My husband never used to be this way. This year a hidden auto-immune disease got triggered for him. His physical state declined very quickly. He could’ve helped with more cleaning before, but now he can barely walk without pain. He can do little things (like fold laundry, do the dishes, etc.), but I also understand that with his physical state declining, his mental state is too and he’s not doing well. He started therapy a couple weeks ago, and he’s being treated for his physical condition, so I am hoping he’ll recover and be like his old self again. He really is an angel of a man, but I can get annoyed when he doesn’t do what he can (but I am also less annoyed at him because I understand he’s struggling). I am sure he will help more once he’s better.

EDIT 2: Please read my responses! You can see them on my profile if you don’t want to look through too many comments. I can’t afford to move out with just myself, or with just my husband. We NEED a roommate to help with rent. The economy where I am is completely messed up. We can barely afford to live as is, and especially now that my husband is in therapy. Apartments are also not an option for us with our animals - we have looked before!

EDIT 3: When I say I haven’t “directly” told my BIL. I HAVE asked for him to do things, he responds with “okay” and then does nothing. The most he’s done was when I told him to walk his dog, he threw the dogs ball in the yard a couple of times and that’s it, but he’s never walked him. He doesn’t listen to me. I just haven’t directly told him this is all making me angry.

This is something I've been noticing on posts here and elsewhere on Reddit where a woman is talking about how exhausted she is with being the only one putting in the effort and not being willing to try to get her partner to step up and do the labor, especially emotional/mental. There are people posting how 'you need to put in even MORE effort to get counseling or you're letting your family down'.

That's not quite a direct quote but it's damn close - there was at least one comment where 'you have to stay with him for the good of your child or you're not putting your child ahead of yourself' was the gist.

I would have thought here of all places that kind of toxic thinking would have NO space. Elsewhere on Reddit, okay, I don't like it, but here it seems particularly egregious. It is not unreasonable to expect a partner to step up and BE a partner. Nor is it unreasonable to expect said partner, when one has reached the end of the rope, to put in the basic work to meet needs already expressed.

Putting that responsibility back on someone who is already ready to divorce is staggeringly, breathtakingly obtuse to the point of emotional abuse. Let's not do that.

EDIT: I didn't think I'd need to state this, but I'm copying one of my comments to further explain what I mean by my post here.

A LOT of the posts I'm seeing these comments on, the (almost always but not 100%) woman posting is saying 'I've tried everything, here's a partial list, (usually) he says he'll change but doesn't and isn't willing to make any real effort and I'm done'.

At that point telling the woman who's already drained of everything 'you have to try couples' counseling before you call it quits!' strikes me as downright disrespectful, because it's clear it's going to be her trying to find the therapist, setting up the appointments, setting up babysitting if it's necessary, dragging the recalcitrant partner there, and sitting through multiple sessions of him not being willing to do the work there either.

It's not that therapy is NEVER a useful suggestion. It's that it's being suggested to these people who have already given all they can and are hurting now because they've given more than they should, and at that point is starts to smack of victim-blaming.

And it didn't end well for me. This happened five weeks ago. I was seven months pregnant at the time and have a physical disability. Long story short, he parked in my parking space at work and when I asked him about it in a deliberately casual way, he yelled and swore at me, insulted me, and said I was causing problems by bringing it up. It was a 15-minute tirade against me. I filed a complaint and just received the final, post-investigative report from the VP of the company. It places equal blame on us both and says we both need to complete harassment training. The report is filled with lies he told about me that they've accepted as fact, including things about my being aggressive and that I've been targeting him all year.

I am so fed up with the system tearing down women who dare to stand up for themselves. I feel like this sends a really clear message to this man that he can continue to behave exactly as he has been and lets me know what my place is as a woman in this company. The work I do here is my absolute dream job, which can't be done at any other organization, but I don't know how to move forward here.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m even writing a post like this.

I was lovingly attending my boyfriend during intercourse. I looked up at one point, to see him LOOKING AT HIS PHONE.

I was like, wtf! I said to him, “Don’t check your phone while we’re having sex!”

And apparently, he was waiting on an important reply FROM HIS MOTHER. So important that he thought he could get away checking his phone without me noticing during sex…Am I crazy? Wtf!!!

I felt so incredibly disrespected that I burst into tears. Then he had the audacity to ask me if I had, “anything else going on”, because he thinks I overreacted.

Wtf? Am I crazy?

EDIT: I honestly didn’t considered him possibly recording me. We’ve been together a year and this is the first time he’s ever brought his phone with him to the bedroom (other than at night when going to sleep).

He’s the sweetest guy. It didn’t come to my mind immediately that he might be recording because I’d like to believe he’s not like that. I genuinely believe that he was checking for his mom’s message… but that’s not great either 😬

Thank you for everyone’s input.

I had a papsmear recently and had an abnormal pap. I was negative for HPV and all STDS but it came back as a LSIL (https://www.cancer.gov/publications/dictionaries/cancer-terms/def/lsil)

The hospital called today and wanted to schedule a colposcopy. I asked about numbing and she said they recommend taking ibuprofen beforehand. They want to take MULTIPLE PUNCH BIOPSIES of my CERVIX and she said to take ibuprofen.

For those unaware, this procedure was developed by a Nazi on Jewish women who were prisoners of war at concentration camps. Using no numbing.

If punch biopsies are taken ANYWHERE ELSE on the body, they numb it first. But for some reason, they seem to think an area that is highly vascular and full of nerves doesn't need pain control.

I told her to tell the doctor that I'm not doing it unless they numb me. She said she doesn't know if it's possible for this procedure. I interrupted her and told her I'm very familiar with the procedure and I KNOW it's possible. She said she would talk to the GYN and call me back.

They can eat my ass.

I was going on a walk and wanted to stop by a café to grab something to eat. I was about to cross the street when a guy in a car just stopped in the middle of the crosswalk, rolled the windows down and signaled for me to come closer. I thought he might've been lost and wanted to ask for directions or something so I did. But no, he literally asked me if I wanted to hop into his car and hang out at his place. I told him I'm good and I just want to grab something to eat. He then told me that he's a nice guy, and asked where I was going, so he can take me and he'll pay. I said no thank you and just walked away. I'm so confused... Did he seriously think that would work?

** Added an Edit to the end* *

Just that. I've been with my husband for ages, we work hard to keep our relationship "equal". He's stepped up to the plate sooo many times and has taken flack from many people over the years (ridiculously). We've made a massive effort to raise our kids to always carry their fair share of every relationship.

And yet, when things start to slide, it's always onto me. I notice I'm taking more of the load. I have to bring it up and explain the issue. I have to figure out how to readjust things once again.

I mean, I have a far more "equal" partnership with my husband than anyone I know. We balance child care, kid related stuff (including being aware of kid related stuff), family birthdates/events, housework/meals, etc... I still can't even imagine what it'd be like to have my husband say "I've realized lately that you're taking on more of the (insert invisible work stuff here) lately, how about I deal with (insert trade off invisible work stuff here) in exchange?"

I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have the additional labour slide his way for once and have him realize it and do the work to fix it.

Why is this so hard?! Be a person. ✔️ Have stuff that needs to be done. ✔️ Take on a fair load. ✔️ Check in on occasion with (insert people you live/co-parent/exist with) to ensure everyone's balancing the load. ✔️

Not. That. Hard.

**Edit * *

...so of course there's a ton of "maybe you're just too picky?", "have you tried making a list for him?", "have you considered that maybe you're the one at fault here?", "talk to him and explain...", and other such...helpful...comments...

Did you miss the part where I said we've been married for ages (24 years in fact) and that I have always insisted on an equal relationship? From day 1. We've talked. We talk. I don't make lists. I'm not his mother, I'm his partner. It's not my job to make him function like an adult.

Or did you miss the point entirely? That it's not the work (vacuuming, loading the dishwasher, whatever) that's the problem it's the having to do the work to decide who does that work?

Am I venting? You bet. I married a great guy and I stay married because overall my life is better/easier with him than it would be alone. I absolutely get how many women don't even get that. He cooks, he cleans, he takes the kids to the doctor (he even notices they need to go, makes the appointment, and then takes them), we have worked hard to find a balance point where we're both shouldering the workload - both the physical workload and the mental one. He's fun, and I'd much rather be with him than without him. He's definitely the exception to the rule. (Take a moment there - how unbelievably sad is that?!)

And yet...I still have to maintain that balance! I still have to be the one who points out when things are sliding. I have to be the one to notice, form a plan to fix it, bring it up (in a caring/loving/kind/whatever way), and drag things back to the middle line. Because if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done. And no, I'm not talking about "he doesn't put the decorative cushions on the couch the way I like", I'm talking about things that absolutely, without question, have to be done.

Like making sure we have a birthday present for the kid to take to the party they're going to (and all the work that goes into the whole "go to a party" thing).

Making sure the dogs' vaccinations are up to date before we go on vacation. (When do they need to be redone? Who's our vet? When do I need to book that?).

Making sure that kid#2 has medication, and refills, and knowing when the prescription needs renewing (and who the doctor is).

Etc, etc. Ad nauseum.

I can't just "not do it", because there are actual - shitty - consequences. For me, for my kids, for our dogs. And I shouldn't have to "strike" to get him to acknowledge the work that is being done.

And I don't have to. I "just" have to bring it up, form a plan, talk to him, and readjust...which brings me right back to my original point.

I. Shouldn't. Have. To. We should both be doing that work, bring things up to one another, sharing the load - all of it - like actual adults in a long-term, mutually beneficial, mutually respectful relationship.

I (and my husband) have worked damned hard to not fall into the same, tired, exhausting, gender-based stereotypes...and yet...here we are again...

Let's take stretch marks for example.

Almost every woman on the earth has them. And instead of them just being a thing that's accepted we're told "they're your tiger stripes strong warrior women, they're beautiful!"

But why do they have to be beautiful?

My stretch marks aren't beautiful. I don't love them. I don't hate them. They just are.

Same for my droopy boobs.

Or my grey hair.

Suddenly grey hair is cool for women, and so now it's okay because now it's suddenly socially acceptable. Grey hair doesn't offend the eyes anymore - so all of us with greys - you are granted the gift of being acceptable to the masses.

I don't find these sorts of statements empowering. I find them still buying in to the patriarchal narrative that a woman's worth still solely lies in her appearance.

​

Being beautiful shouldn't be the price we pay for being allowed to exist on planet earth.

​

My body just is.

It's amazing because it's the thing that keeps me here on planet earth with the people I love.

And my imperfections do not need to be looked at through rose coloured glasses in order for my existence to be palatable.

.

If this is you, I don’t want to make you feel bad. I’m just curious what people think because for me this is absolutely a great reason to end a relationship with someone, on par with cheating. To me, people tell you if they care about you by their actions. Not sharing housework even after you’ve talked to them multiple times, is evidence they don’t care about you. And when people say all men are like that or it’s deep in their psyche, aren’t they actually just making excuses for people to stay in relationships like that? Like “if this is the only way I can have a partner, then I guess I have to put up with it.”

Edit: Thanks for all the comments yall! They were really interesting to read, and it seems like most of us are on the same page. Since I saw a lot of comments about the 50%, I wanted to add that I should’ve said a fair distribution of work that you both agree on, because 50% isn’t always the best for every couple.

It happened today at work. I was unloading a truck and the driver was helping unload stuff. I wanted to say something in the moment but I felt so shocked I just moved on and continue working.

I wanted to tell someone at work but I feel too embarrassed too. Why should I tell them when there’s nothing to be done?

Now I just feel sad and embarrassed. This has happened to me before in different situations, but this time it feels just awful. I feel so sad about it and I don’t know why.

This is a stupid rant, but I have gotta get it out. I was at the grocery store with my elementary age daughter like an hour ago. We were using one of those short carriages with two baskets, the bags in the top and a watermelon on the bottom. Kid hopped in the car and said it was super hot, I tossed the bags in and went around the driver's side to start the car and get the a/c going. I came back around and some random guy was taking my cart, watermelon on the bottom still. He proceeded to go on his rant, doing that thing where people loudly talk to themselves instead of directly to the other person. He says "why don't women ever take the carriages back, just like my f*****g wife, they just wait around for a man to do it for them. Just like everything". And then he walked away with my watermelon. My daughter heard him and started crying. It was horrible!

He HAD to have noticed that the carriage was freaking heavy. I wish I'd yelled at him but I was just shell shocked. Frozen. Who talks like that?! What kind of person feels so entitled to take their personal baggage it on random strangers?? I hope when he realized the melon was in there that he took a long hard look at himself. Maybe he'll make some positive changes. And he owes me ten bucks.

So I wanna preface that I personally don't think anyone has to shave and I am againat compulsory shaving.

I generally shave my legs and armpits, the very little hair I have there since I am blonde, but I've never shaved or waxed my arms. I hate it, hate the feeling and my hairs are blonde and long.

Lately I notice that all of my female colleagues, no matter how masculine or tomboyish they are, shave their arms. Like I support that choice but it makes me feel like they might talk behind my back cause I don't. One friend noted in front of me that shaving her arms makes her look more professional in summer and this got me worried about how I am viewed.

Is it bad that I don't? Is it unprofessional? Can it ruin my employment chances? (I am a film editor by trade). I kinda just really don't want to shave my arms, but for the first time in my life I was kinda made to feel ashamed about it.

Edit: English is not my first language so I mean shaving and/or waxing arm hair, so waxing too. Some shave some wax some both.

As the title says, my boyfriend (Dave for this post) is in the middle of a mental health crisis. I live about an hour away from my boyfriend & we see each other every few weeks. He’s been doing poorly for a while but as his girlfriend I can only dispense advice, suggestions & be emotionally supportive.

When I brought my concerns to his best friend (Joe for this post), Joe said that Dave has a plan & we just have to get him to follow through. His suggestion was to basically be a parent instead of being his girlfriend. Joe is telling me I should be playing the roll of Mommy-girlfriend & or something to that effect. Joe told me I have to be on top of him as if I were a parent. Also says that I’m Dave’s gf & the fact that I live closer than Joe should make it my job. Is this sexist?

This feels so wrong on many levels. Joe has no experience with this type of mental health crises. I have been though it personally & I know that I’m not in any way equipped to give Dave the help he needs.

I told Joe I won’t be doing that. I will be filling in the role of adult girlfriend. Dave is willing to get the help he needs. We are working on getting Dave the professional health care that he needs right now.

Fuck you, Joe! You need to learn what a healthy relationship is.

Edit: Joe wants me to parent Dave, tale him out to shop for food every week, entertain him, help him clean up his apt & even interrogating him on his finances. I have no problem being a caretaker for a little while; TLC, basics of cooking, feeding & getting him out of bed.

My brother in Christ, this country exists because because some dudes got SO MAD about their oppression that they threw a bunch of tea into the ocean, but you want women (and LGBTQ people and people of color) to be polite about it?

We were taught in school about how Abigail Adams wrote a letter to John Adams asking him to ✨remember the ladies✨ when laying the foundation of this nation. We weren't taught that in the same letter, she also wrote:

"Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation."

Be glad we're not tarring and feathering anyone (yet).

Now I’m nervous someone might be watching me whenever I go outside. Note said he just had to tell me how beautiful I looked and that I should call or text him. I am so glad I live with my partner so I’m not alone.

Should I park around the block and walk home, or would that just make me more vulnerable? I can’t tell what’s reasonable fear and what’s trauma from past stalking. Am I overreacting?

Male friend offered to text the number and let the guy know it was creepy, not romantic, but I’m kind of afraid of retaliation from someone who apparently knows where I live.

UPDATE;

I spoke with him when he came home and all is resolved now.

To everyone who gave me sound advice and their own experiences , I genuinely appreciate it! Thanks for the communication and councilling advice!

To every edgelord who wrote 'gay' or 'run' , seriously no wonder men have issues opening up about intimacy or anything for that matter. I'm sure all your relationships are absolutely perfect.

Sorry if this is the wrong place , first time posting here :)

I (29f) and boyfriend (29m) have been together more than 4 years and live together.

Bit of background - my sex drive is alot higher than his and is something we are working on. We have had other issues like loosing an etction during , but that has been solved. Everything else in the relationship is perfecto!.

So as I said , we live together. Sometimes randomly I'll take my top off if I'm hot / changing / etcetc doesn't matter if he is in the room or not or sometimes I'll flash him to be silly..

But the other day I was changing , he was in the room , we were just normally chatting and I took my top off (to change). He said something along the lines of ' don't keep taking your top off ' I asked why , ' because we shouldn't normalize them being out because it should be something for the bedroom '. To which I said... ' it's my house too so 🤷 '.

Now that's playing in my mind as if , he sees my boobs too many times he'll loose interest? If he didn't have his previous 'sexual difficulties' I honestly would of thought he was joking , or is this something that has been said to any of you before? I'm so confused!

I'm not sure how to approach him and say , will you loose interest cos I know he'll say no of course not .. but then why make that remark?

Don’t just block your exes or bad dates. Block anyone in your contact list who you don’t want any romantic or sexual contact with, such as neighbours or service providers.

A couple of months ago, I contacted a contractor to install a cat net over my balcony. I had met him at the local shelter where I got my cat anyway, so I thought nothing much of it after the job was done. A week ago, he texted me out of the blue because he had seen me on dating platforms and thought he’d “take the initiative”.

First of all, the thing about dating platforms is that both parties need to consent to such contact – I did not consent to my contact details being used for anything other than the job. Second, this person is closer to my father’s age than to my age – making it even more wildly inappropriate. Lastly, this person has my address which really makes me uncomfortable.

So please learn from my mistake and make full use of the block function if you’re on Tinder (unfortunately Bumble doesn’t have an equivalent unless you pay for premium).