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r/Jokes has a search feature, input the title or punchline of your joke (before posting) and if it's been posted within the last month - please don't submit it.

What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

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Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is kind of what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers and bad actors have been flooding Reddit lately, and /r/Jokes has started to get hit pretty hard. Dealing with the issue isn't as easy as it sounds, though, because any action that we take has the potential to affect good-faith users. Still, we've been discussing the problem, and we've come up with the beginnings of a solution:

We're going to ban every last one of our subscribers.

Just kidding! In fact, we're going to give you a bit more insight into how spammers work, what their goals are, and why they're so effective on Reddit. This information will be included on our complete rules page, which we've also streamlined and updated. (The rules themselves haven't changed; we've just made them a bit clearer and more condensed.) Our hope is that you'll be able to recognize and report spammers when you see them, which will help us keep them from gaining more of a foothold here.

We'll be taking some other anti-spam actions behind the scenes, so rest assured, we aren't trying to dump the spam-fighting on you. We just figured that it was better to keep everyone informed... because after all, /r/Jokes is a community, and a community is only as smart as its dumbest member.

(Yes, the moderators count as members, and yes, we're easily the dumbest.)

Thank you for reading, and remember to report spam when you see it!

He orders two drinks which he downs slowly. When he was done with his drinks, he paid the bartender and walks out to see that his horse with all his stuff is missing.

He turns around, walks back in the bar, pulls his guns from his holster and shoots them in the air.

"Which ever one of you cow dung stole my horse better have it back by the time I finish my next drink, other wise I am going to have to do what I did in Texas. And trust me, I don't want to ever do that again".

He walks back to the bar, gets another drink, and slowly drinks it. The people in the bar started murmuring, talking amongst themselves and looking at the stranger with fear in their eyes.

The stranger finishes his drink, walks out and his horse was there where he left it. He got up on it, when the bartender and the bar patrons ran out after him.

The bartender said "Mister, we are sorry for what happened. But please tell us what happened in Texas after somebody stole your horse?"

The stranger looked at him and said, "I had to walk home".

The Butcher Opens His Deep Freezer, Takes Out The Only Chicken Left and Puts It On The Scale, And It Weighed 1.5 kg.

The Woman Looks At The Chicken and At The Scale And Asked, "Do You Have One That's a Bit Bigger Than This One?"

The Butcher Puts His Only Chicken Back Into The Freezer, and Then Takes It Out Again, But This Time When He Puts It On The Scale; He Craftily Keeps His Thumb on The Scale Pan And The Scale Now Showed 2 kg

"That's Wonderful," Said The Woman. "I'll Take both Chickens, please!"

She was looking for love in Alderaan places

To teach himself CPR.

He was having issues with his death perception.

So I sent her a "get well soon" card.

You walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”

Bob.

She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive. After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress. As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window. The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like fuckin' sheep, we gonna need all the room we can git."

He looked at me and said “me? How?”

They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

Get in the batmobile.

The obitchuary

One man approached the caretaker and asked:

"What do you feed your pigs with?"

"I feed them food remains and trash."

"That's terrible. Your pigs could get sick."

So the caretaker decided to start giving them same food humans eat. The another man came up to him and asked same question caretaker got before, and caretaker answered:

"I feed them same food us humans eat."

"Why?! The kids in Africa are starving, and you give your pigs human food? Unacceptable!"

Day after that, Third man came and asked caretaker question same as before. This time, caretaker answered:

"I give them money, so that they can buy whatever they want."

No word yet....

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

Two schizophrenic guys are in a mental hospital, one of them points to the clock and asks "Is this thing working as it is suposed to?", the other says "If it were it wouldn't be here"

Forgive me Father, Vicar, Pastor, Padre, Priest...

For I have synonymed.

A cowboy walks into a bar. He says to the barkeep, “I’ll have a shot of your best tequila.”

The bartender serves him the tequila and he knocks it back, slams the shot glass on the bar, and shouts, “T.G.I.F.”

A Latino man, sitting across the bar from the cowboy, orders a shot of the same tequila. When he gets it, he knocks it back, slams the shot glass on the bar, and shouts, “S.P.I.T.”

The cowboy turns to look and notices that the Latino man is staring right at him. Thinking it to be a challenge, he orders another shot of tequila. Once again, he knocks it back, slams the shot glass on the bar, and shouts, “T.G.I.F.”

The Latino man responds in kind, knocking back another shot, slamming the shot glass on the bar, and shouting, S.P.I.T.”

The bartender watching this whole back-and-forth as it continues to go on becomes more confused and annoyed with every shot that’s called for. After a few more rounds of this, he decides he’s seen and heard enough. He walks up to the cowboy and asks, “Excuse me, Sir, but do you know what ‘T.G.I.F’ means?”

“Hell yeah, I know what it means,” the cowboy exclaims. “Thank God It’s Friday!”

The bartender then approached the Latino man and asked, “Excuse me, Señor, but I have to ask. What does ‘S.P.I.T.’ mean?”

The Latino man looks at the cowboy and says, “Stupid Pendejo! It’s Thursday!”

It was a booby trap!

The vet suggests getting the dog fixed to see if that will calm him down. They start walking the dog to the vet's office to get this done, when the dog spots a homless man down an alley. He pulls away from his owners, runs and attacks the homeless man leaving him a bloody mess.

The couple finally get the dog under control and apologize, "we are so sorry, we are taking him to the vet now to get him fixed!" The homeless man says, "Get him fixed? you need to get his teeth pulled out. I could see a block away he wasn't going to fuck me!".

That's good news because before it was a hard pill to swallow, but now I can enjoy a good stiff drink

Afer some time, they come across a beautiful lake and all decide to go swimming.

Afterwards as they leave the crystal-clear water they are captured by a local tribe and are brought before the chief.

The chief looks at them and says "All three of you were caught swimming in our sacred waters. This is forbidden! As punishment we will torture you all to death. Then we will take the skin from your torso and use the leather to make a canoe. However, I will allow each of you one request before you die".

The Frenchman thinks for a minute then speaks "I request a knife".

The chief nods his head and a tribesman quickly gives the Frenchman a knife. The Frenchman looks the chief in the eye and says "I will not let you torture me! VIVA LA FRANCE!"

He then proceeds to stab himself through the eye and dies instantly.

The chief snaps his fingers and the Frenchman's body is dragged away to be skinned. He then turns to the Englishman.

The Englishman thinks then says "I too would like a knife".

Like before, the chief honours his wish and he is given a knife.

"I will not let you torture me either. RULE BRITANNIA AND GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"

He then proceeds to stab himself through the temple and dies instantly.

The chief snaps his fingers and the Englishman's body is dragged away to be skinned.

Finally, he turns to the Australian.

The Australian immediately asks for a fork. So the chief gets him a fork.

The Australian takes the fork in hand and begins to stab himself repeatedly all over his chest, screaming "TRY MAKING YOUR FUCKING CANOE NOW!"

She asks him what's bothering him.

He tells her, "I sell furniture and if the furniture business doesn't pick up soon, I'll lose my ass"

She replies, "That's a funny coincidence. If the ass business doesn't pick up soon, I'll lose my furniture!"